


Class Purposes Only

by The_Onion_Wanton



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Group chat, Humor, Internalized Homophobia, Mentions of Casual Substance Use (aka sometimes they drink/smoke), Musical References, happy fic!! happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 20:03:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8027107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Onion_Wanton/pseuds/The_Onion_Wanton
Summary: the tailor: shut up shiro youre like 50shiro: this chat makes me feel like i am. //shiro is a hot TA, everyone is a little bit gay, and pidge doesn't even go here





	Class Purposes Only

**Author's Note:**

> another work in chatlog format can you tell im a homestuck

**the tailor:** (picture)

 **the tailor:** guess who just hung his first bi flag out yeeeeeehaw

 **pidgeotto:** hm, juding by the picture, might be you.

 **the tailor:** first bi flag!!!!!!! mom got it for me!! 

**the tailor:** asked if hunk wants one too but i think hunks just gay so

 **she-hunk:** Nothing “just” about me being gay, man.

 **the tailor:** well excuse me you resident lesbian you

 **the tailor:** wait holy shit is pidge the only straight one here

 **pidgeotto:** pidge is a child and yet to decide on her sexual orientation thank you!!

 **the tailor.** well excuse you ms 3rd person tell yourself im sorry

 **pidgeotto:** she’s considering your apology.

 **the tailor:** sighHHH PRAISE MY FLAG ALREADY

 **she-hunk:** It’s a beautiful flag, dude.

 **pidgeotto:** your mother has good taste.

 **pidgeotto:** and terrible children.

 **the tailor:** you ARE terrible children!!

 **she-hunk:** Ouch, burn!

 **the tailor:** THANK YOU

 **she-hunk:** Eh, I was being sarcastic. 

__

 **shiro:** settled in well?

 **Keith:** Lance is my roommate.

 **shiro:** yes?

 **shiro:** you’ve known this for months, keith.

 **Keith:** I counted on him throwing a fit and getting relocated.

 **Keith:** Can I still move in with you?

 **shiro:** you could have if you’d have asked earlier and not waited until I’m settled in at holt’s.

 **shiro:** my room is lovely, by the way. matt left all of his posters. i’m surrounded with space. 

**Keith:** I will sleep on the floor.

 **shiro:** keith.

 **Keith:** I’m serious, he hates me!!

 **Keith:** And he keeps trying to provoke me into responding!

 **shiro:** that sounds like a challenge.

 **Keith:** Not helping!

 **Keith:** He hasn’t stopped playing loud music since I’ve arrived!

 **shiro:** keith.

 **Keith:** He’s singing along!!

 **shiro:** when did you arrive?

 **Keith:** Twelve minutes ago.

 **shiro:** did you ask him to turn it down?

 **Keith:** It just made him sing louder!

 **Keith:** He’s being difficult on purpose, I can’t be the patient one, you know I can’t be patient!!

 **shiro:** i believe in you.

 **Keith:** You are *really* not helping!!

__

 **the tailor:** ughhhhhhhhhhhh keith arrived

 **pidgeotto:** are we supposed to be shocked because you sort of did know this for months.

 **pidgeotto:** and it’s sort of been all you’ve talked about lately. 

**pidgeotto:** sort of.

 **the tailor:** i counted on him throwing a fit and getting relocated !!!

 **the tailor:** also i think he has a problem with my bi flag he keeps glaring at it

 **she-hunk:** Huh, really? he was always polite with me.

 **she-hunk:** Maybe he doesn’t know what it stands for and is too awkward to ask?

 **the tailor:** or hes that kind of a straight guy whos ok with the lgbt crew until he has to share a room with one !!!

 **the tailor:** i KNEW i hated him for a good reason

 **pidgeotto:** really? i always assumed it was latent sexual attraction.

 **the tailor:** SHUT UP PIDGE

 **she-hunk:** Hey, dude, all you need to do is ask.

 **she-hunk:** Just, you know, let him know you’re too awkward to ever make a move on a guy and your mother raised you right so you won’t even peek at him without permission.

 **the tailor:** i honestly cant tell if im supposed to get offended or what

 **she-hunk:** Ehh, a little bit of everything.

 **she-hunk:** But seriously, if he acts like an ass just tell shiro.

 **the tailor:** im not gonna tell on him, what are we, five??

 **pidgeotto:** might as well be.

 **the tailor:** sSHUT UP YOU GREMLIN

 **she-hunk:** I’m serious, though, shiro is a no-biphobia-zone dad

 **she-hunk:** And seems to know how to handle keith which is cool

 **the tailor:** yeah shiro is super dreamy what else is new

 **the tailor:** ill just keep bringing hot people over and if hes uncomfortable he’s free to move out !!

 **she-hunk:** I don’t think you can afford to pay that many people?

 **the tailor.** you aLL SUCK 

__

 **shiro:** allura?

 **★★space princess★★** yeah?

 **shiro:** why?

 **★★space princess★★** ★★★for the aesthetic★★★

 **shiro:** okay.

 **★★space princess★★** ★★ye i say so too★★

 **★★space princess★★** anyways !! how was your day?

 **★★space princess★★** hows the holt household?

 **shiro:** same as always.

 **shiro:** one matt short but i’ll manage.

 **shiro:** keep calling mr.holt professor but he thinks it’s funny.

 **shiro:** retirement is treating him well.

 **★★space princess★★** pidge tells me you called him dad.

 **shiro:** !! the little snitch.

 **★★space princess★★** i think its cute!!!!!!1

 **shiro:** it was mortifying.

 **shiro:** he called me son!!

 **★★space princess★★** you should start doing the same to ur students hahah. 

**shiro:** ??

 **★★space princess★★** i mean the students in the class youre an assistant in, potato potahto. 

**shiro:** still, ??

 **★★space princess★★** omfg hahahhaha you don’t know???

 **shiro:** ??? know what?

 **shiro:** i’m pretty sure they're too old for me to be any of their father.

 **★★space princess★★** ummm worrying implication aside, HOLY FUCK.

 **★★space princess★★** can’t believe TA daddy is TA oblivious.

 **shiro:** what??????

 **★★space princess★★** i’ll tell you when you’re older :))

 **shiro:** allura!!

__

 

 **she-hunk:** Do you ever lie in bed and thank god for girls?

 **pidgeotto:** thought you were an atheist.

 **she-hunk:** Agnostic and not the point!!

 **the tailor:** all the time my pal

 **she-hunk:** Girls are so pretty.

 **pidgeotto:** are you okay?

 **pidgeotto:** OH SHIT HER ROOMMATE ARRIVED TODAY.

 **the tailor:** OH SHIT

 **she-hunk:** ???

 **pidgeotto:** you’re crushing on your roommate!

 **she-hunk:** NO IM JUST REALLY GAY LEAVE ME ALONE!!

 **the tailor:** DO NOT LIE TO ME HUNK GARRET YOU THINK YOUR ROOMMATE IS CUTE

 **she-hunk:** STOP PROJECTING ON ME LANCE !!

 **pidgeotto:** what’s her name, hunk?

 **she-hunk:** SHAY.

 **she-hunk:** she’s big and she’s gentle and she smells like lilies. :(((((

 **pidgeotto:** ohhh, lilies are the gay flowers, aren’t they?

 **the tailor:** was that a harry potter reference?

 **pidgeotto:** it wasn’t but, right??

 **the tailor:** lilly evans is too good for the straights

 **she-hunk:** I WILL DIE.

 **the tailor:** shhhhhh

 **pidgeotto:** oh, come on, you’ll be fine.

 **pidgeotto:** if lance can handle living with his angsty crush you can too.

 **she-hunk:** Okay, yes, good point.

 **the tailor:** pidgeotto: i mean, apologies, i do not have eyes and do not see what is obviously going on.

 **the tailor:** UMMMMMMM

 **pidgeotto:** hey, hunk, ever heard of the nile?

 **she-hunk:** Not just a river in Egypt!

 **the tailor:** blocked blocked canceled cease to exist

 **she-hunk:** What is this feeling, so sudden and new?

 **pidgeotto:** i felt the moment i laid eyes on you?

 **the tailor:** TREADNT

 **she-hunk:** my pulse is rushing?

 **pidgeotto:** my head is reeling?

 **the tailor:** doNT YOU DARE

 **she-hunk:** MY FACE IS FLUSHING?

 **the tailor:** DON’T YOU DARE COMPARE EITHER OF THOSE TWO BEAUTIFUL SAPPHIC WOMEN TO KEITH MCMULLET I WILL BLOCK YOU

 **pidgeotto:** please do.

 **she-hunk:** No one is stopping you, man.

 **pidgeotto:** what is this feeling!

 **she-hunk:** No, no, no, you *have* to caps-lock it or it just isn’t right. 

**pidgeotto:** FERVENT AS A FLAME?

 **she-hunk:** (Yeah!!) DOES IT HAVE A NAME?

 **the tailor:** YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

 **she-hunk:** LOATHING!

 **the tailor:** UNADULTERATED LOATHING

 **pidgeotto:** for his face, his voice, his “stupid jacket doesnt even cover his ribs my grandmother in me is screaming at him to get a jumper why is he this way its not practical OR aesthetically pleasing why is he so dumb aaaaaaaaaa”- 8/28/16 (via Skype)

 **the tailor:** FUCK OFF 

__

 

**shiro shiro shiiiirooo**

- **shiroshiroshi**

- **roSHIRO**

- **S H I R O**

_lance? is everything alright?_

**YEAH i just had a smoothie im doing swell-o**

_what was in the smoothie._

**daamn thats a fullstop am i in trouble**

_i always use full stops._

**yeah, and im always in trouble so ??? check n mate**

- **hey is thats how its called when u pay a prostitue w a check**

_excuse me?_

**check n mate**

- **coz you check,,,,and then you mate**

_do all of your TAs receive these sort of messages at early morning hours?_

**idk i know their names not their stories**

_lance._

**daaaaaamn fine DAD**

- **yeah anyways i wanted to ask if you dye your hair**

_i am so tired, lance._

**yeah you work really hard maybe you should relax once in a while ANYWAYS**

**-y/n ???**

_where is this coming from?_

_-do i want to know?_

_-is it better if i don’t know??_

_-i think it’s better if i don’t know. good night, lance._

**NOOOOOOO COME BACK**

**-keith says u dont but i know better you have to tell us who won so i can gloat**

**-shiiiiiiiiiro dont walk out on us**

**-keiths dad walked out on him youll give him bad flashbacks**

_does keith know you’re messaging me?_

**i mean i told him**

_but?_

**i think he fell asleep idk**

**-he made me smoke in the bathroom because hes sooooooo straight edge**

_are you smoking?_

**calm down daddy marihuana is totes legal in canada**

_medical marihuana, yes._

**now ur just being a pain in the butt HAIR Y/N**

_did you at least put the towel under the doors?_

**yeah and a ziplock on the firealarm who do u think i am some sorta amateur??**

_please, go to bed._

__

 **shiro:** TA daddy misses his blissful ignorance.

 **★★space princess★★** ASDAGGHDSF WHAT HAPPENED. 

__

 

 **she-hunk:** LANCE CALLED SHIRO DADDY TO HIS FACE.

 **pidgeotto:** what??

 **she-hunk:** I mean, over text, but STILL.

 **the tailor:** HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT

 **pidgeotto:** wait, are you for real??

 **pidgeotto:** holy shit, lance, that’s a new low.

 **the tailor:** i was STONED and i blame you !!

 **pidgeotto:** me?

 **the tailor:** not you!!

 **she-hunk:** Me?

 **the tailor:** yeAH

 **she-hunk:** Alright, why?

 **the tailor:** you weren’t there to stop me !!

 **the tailor:** we had a good thing going, hunk!! I was reckless you were careful together we were in a perfect equilibrium we were ATEAM 

**she-hunk:** Man, dude, you are a Mess.

 **pidgeotto:** rip.

 **the tailor:** 4 real tho how did you find out??

 **she-hunk:** Oh, allura posted the screenshots on her tumblr.

 **the tailor:** allura has a tumblr ??

__

panllura.tumblr.com  
_**captain phasma can raw me**_  
_allura // 26 // 2 good 4 this bullshit_

**if you’re my student get off this blog !!!!!!!**

**anonymous asked**  
If we submit this url with out homework do we get extra points

_you get flunked on the spot try me_

__

 

_**shiro** started this group chat_

**shiro:** please, behave.

_**shiro** added **she-hunk** , **Keith** and **the tailor**_

**pidgeotto:** okay, dad!

 **shiro:** don’t start.

 **she-hunk:** hi, keith!

 **Keith:** Hey.

 **the tailor:** ohhhh is this a secret chat

 **the tailor:** are we your favourite students?

 **shiro:** you’re not my students.

 **Keith:** Or it could be about the group project we need to do by the end of the semester.

 **shiro:** yes, that.

 **shiro:** thank you, keith.

 **the tailor:** awwwwww he just smiled at the phone i didnt think he could do that shiro!! You have powers over him

 **she-hunk:** Lance, stop being a dick?? 

**she-hunk:** And if this is about astrophys stuff why is pidge here?

 **shiro:** i’m...not sure? 

**shiro:** i didn’t add her.

 **pidgeotto:** yeah, i added myself. 

**pidgeotto:** you can thank me later.

 **pidgeotto:** hi, keith!

 **Keith:** Oh, hey.

 **the tailor:** ummmmmmmmm explain?

 **pidgeotto:** he and matt used to hang out.

 **the tailor:** wtf i trusted his taste

 **Keith:** Wow.

 **shiro:** boys. 

**pidgeotto:** also do you even know my brother?

 **the tailor:** not the point!!

 **shiro:** boys!

 **shiro:** do i need to add professor fara to this conversation for you to behave?

 **pidgeotto:** professor fara?

 **pidgeotto:** oh, you mean allura?

 **she-hunk:** Oh, you mean “captain phasma can raw me”?

 **shiro:** one more word from the peanut gallery and i’m telling on you all.

 **she-hunk:** why are we the peanut gallery?

 **pidgeotto:** i hate peanuts.

 **shiro:** right.

 **shiro:** this chat is for class purposes only. lance, looking at you.

 **the tailor:** what, why me??

 **Keith:** Was that a serious question?

 **shiro:** i’m here if you have any inquiries.

 **the tailor:** are you and allura dating?

 **shiro:** any *project* related inquiries. 

**she-hunk:** Can i change groups?

 **shiro:** no.

__

 **★★space princess★★** you need to be less vague when students ask if were dating!!

 **shiro:** ? why?

 **★★space princess★★** because they all think we are !!

 **shiro:** to be honest, they’d think we were even if i said no.

 **★★space princess★★** well, i don’t know, convince them!!

 **★★space princess★★** get a real date!

 **shiro:** why don’t you get a real date?

 **★★space princess★★** well i can’t tell them about my real dates, can I?? It’d be unprofessional!

 **shiro:** allura, they all follow you on social media and your blog title is “captain phasma can raw me”.

 **★★space princess★★** WELL SHUCKS BUSTERS SHE CAN AND THEY ALL KNOW IT

 **shiro:** why does this bother you, then?

 **★★space princess★★** I am not ashamed of my attraction to gwendoline christie 

**shiro:** but you are ashamed of me?

 **★★space princess★★** i have nothing to be ashamed off!! We arent a thing

 **★★space princess★★** i have too many father issues to actually date someone i casually refer to as TA daddy

 **shiro:** wow.

 **★★space princess★★** sorry was that tmi?

 **shiro:** i mean it’s nothing i didn’t know about before, but.

 **★★space princess★★** bite me

 **shiro:** tmi.

 **★★space princess★★** blocked

__

**okayy okay i am SEETHING**

_Lance? Is everything okay?_

**NO HUNK ITS NOT OKAY didnt u listen i just said i am SEETHING**

_Right._

_Gonna tell me what happened?_

**IM TYPING HOLD UR HORSES**

_Well excuse me for caring, man._

**KEITH IS A DICK**

**-I TOLD YOU ALL I HATED HIM FOR A REASON I TOLD YOU ALL**

**\- nvm doubletexting is tiring meet me in the groupchat**

 

__

 **the tailor** KEITH IS A DICK

 **shiro:** ??

the tailor: wrong chat !!

 **Keith:** Smooth.

 **the tailor:** NOT TALKING TO YOU

__

 **the tailor:** KEITH IS A DICK

 **she-hunk:** Hey, real quick, can you tell us how serious this is because i’d really like to start laughing.

 **pidgeotto:** same. 

**pidgeotto:** also, shiro is asking if he needs to intervene, so.

 **the tailor:** ITS 

**the tailor:** I AM SO ANGRY

 **the tailor:** right so i was helping this guy down the corridor carry some furniture up to his room BECAUSE IM NICE LIKE THAT

 **she-hunk:** Uh-oh.

 **the tailor:** whats that supposed to mean??

 **she-hunk:** Nothing!! keep talking. 

**the tailor:** and he was pretty cute so i went for it because nothing ventured nothing gained right??

 **she-hunk:** Uh-oh.

 **pidgeotto:** uh-oh.

 **the tailor:** you both SUCK

 **pidgeotto:** let me guess, he wasn’t into men.

 **the tailor:** yeah turns out hes a republican

 **pidgeotto:** uh-oh.

 **she-hunk:** SHIT are you okay??

 **the tailor:** yes! Thank you.

 **the tailor:** keith punched him

 **pidgeotto:** hold the fuck up, what?!

 **she-hunk:** ???!!!!!!1

 **the tailor:** yea like he started calling me names and stuff and it was getting physical and bam keith is out there asking for silence but the guy turns on him and keith just ??? knocks the guy out im

 **the tailor:** surprised?? Didn’t know he knew how to throw a punch??

 **pidgeotto:** yeah, dude, shiro personally trained him back when they met.

 **the tailor:** WHAT??

 **the tailor:** shiro knows how to fight??

 **the tailor:** can all the men in my life stop revealing incredibly attractive fighting skills??

 **she-hunk:** Um.

 **pidgeotto:** he is upset so i will let it slide.

 **pidgeotto:** continue.

 **the tailor:** can shiro teach me how to fight??

 **the tailor:** nvm hed touch my shoulder and id die ill try youtube

 **she-hunk:** Smart.

 **the tailor:** ANYWAY we go back into my room and im just about to thank him but like, let him know i had it and all

 **she-hunk:** Even though you really didn’t.

 **the tailor:** even though i really didn’t

 **the tailor:** but hes like ?? super weird

 **the tailor:** and looks angry and im ?? u ok there buddy and he just

 **the tailor:** EXPLODES

 **the tailor:** saying how i dont need to do this to myself??

 **the tailor:** that im putting myself in unnecessary danger when i can just ??? date girls

 **the tailor:** like “why do you insist on making life difficult for yourself when you could just be normal” 

**the tailor:** NORMAL 

**the tailor:** HE SAID NORMAL

 **she-hunk:** Oh no.

 **the tailor:** normal!!

 **pidgeotto:** ah gosh darn it, he’s that kind of a straight.

 **she-hunk:** I ?? really didn’t think he’s straight? Like was it just me who got the vibe?

 **the tailor:** well forget your vibes cause all vibes are dead and i HATE him and 

**the tailor:** UGHH who the FUCK does he think he is??’

 **the tailor:** “”””””””””””””normal””””””””””””

 **pidgeotto:** want shiro to talk to him?

 **the tailor:** what no im not a snitch

 **pidgeotto:** welp, too late.

 **the tailor:** pidge!!

 **the tailor:** he was reading over my shoulder!

 **the tailor:** all the time????

 **pidgeotto:** uh, maybe?

 **she-hunk:** Okay, that legit isn’t cool.

 **pidgeotto:** right, sorry.

 **pidgeotto:** i mean it. 

**the tailor:** gah its cool just dont do it again

 **the tailor:** brb gonna go see if keith left the room so i can come out

 **she-hunk:** Pun intended?

 **the tailor:** B)

 **she-hunk:** Wait, where are you right now?

 **the tailor:** bathroom, obviously??

 **she-hunk:** Not ?? obviously, why would that be obvious?

 **the tailor:** well i told him to shut his fuckhole and had to make a dramatic exit right?? 

**she-hunk:** And the republican was in the corridor, gotcha.

 **the tailor:** exactly!

 **the tailor:** okay keith kogone confirmed

 **pidgeotto:** dude.

 **she-hunk:** Want me to come over?

 **the tailor:** asfdsf please

__

**keith? where are you?**

_Out._

**keith.**

_I’m sorry, okay?_

**what are you apologizing for?**

_Lance told you what I did, didn’t he?_

**not directly, but i got the whiff of it.**

**-still don’t see why you’re apologizing to me.**

_Because I punched a guy?_

**well, from what I hear, he had it coming.**

**-not that I condone it, mind you. but I was the one to teach you how to do it, so I guess it’s partially on me.**

_It’s not._

**are you okay?**

_I’m fine!_

**you did say some things to lance that really weren’t okay.**

_Well, was I wrong??_

**you don’t mean that.**

_You don’t know what I mean!_

**do you have a problem with his sexuality?**

_No?? But I just_

_-Don’t get why, I guess?_

**there isn’t much to get, keith. it’s just how he is, nothing wrong with that.**

_No, no, I get *that* part I just don’t get why._

_-If he can be happy with a girl and without any of the backslash people get for being gay_

_-Why doesn’t he??_

**are you asking why he doesn’t pretend to be straight?**

_Well._

_-I guess??_

_-It would hardly be pretending for him._

**it would be pretending.**

_Yes, but. God!! You keep twisting my words._

**would you say any of these things to me?**

_What kind of a question is that? You aren’t gay, it doesn’t matter._

**you’re right, I’m not.**

**-i’m bisexual.**

**-keith, please respond.**

_I’m sorry, okay?? I’m sorry, I don’t know what you want me to say, I don’t /get/_

_-You’re bi, what the fuck?? Since when??_

**since always? keith.**

**-i didn’t think this would be a problem for you.**

_I don’t have a problem with you liking guys!!_

**well you’re doing a terrible job of convincing anyone of it!**

_You’ve dated girls and you were happy._

**yes, and I’ve been happy with men too.**

**-my first datemate didn’t fit either profile, actually, and they made me really happy as well.**

_But no one knows you’re bi!_

**not here. they do back home.**

_And were you accepted back home?_

**Not by everyone.**

_You’re accepted by everyone here._

**because I lie about my sexuality a lot, yes.**

_But you still do it?? You still do it because you know it’s easier!_

**it’s safer to stay closeted, yes, but it doesn’t mean it’s a good way to live.**

_It’s better than being targeted, though!! It’s better than terrible!_

_And you have the choice and I’m sorry if I can’t understand why_

_-I mean if you’re happy getting physically attacked in front of your room than go for it I guess but you have a chance to be with someone you care about_

_-In public without being scared and you don’t take it and I don’t get it!_

**keith.**

_You know how many people would kill for that?_

**are you trying to blame homophobia on me?**

_I’d kill for that!_

**because that’s really**

**-holy shit, keith.**

**-this actually explains a lot.**

**-it’s going to be okay.**

**-keith?**

__

 **pidgeotto:** uh-oh.

 **the tailor:** uh-oh what whats going on ??

 **pidgeotto:** down, boy.

 **she-hunk:** Pidge!

 **pidgeotto:** alright!!

 **pidgeotto:** there was this. really long texting flurry? and then shiro started hitting his head against the wall?? 

**pidgeotto:** but gently.

 **pidgeotto:** said he doesn’t want to talk about it?

 **pidgeotto:** now he’s going out??

 **pidgeotto:** i’m ?? not good with people??

 **she-hunk:** Um, well.

 **she-hunk:** RIP keith i guess.

 **the tailor:** oooh is keith getting spanked

 **she-hunk:** You sounded WAY too excited over there.

 **the tailor:** shoooosh don’t ruin the moment for me

__

 **the tailor:** what did you DO to keith??

 **shiro:** excuse me?

 **the tailor:** he looks like hes been crying?? I didnt think hed actually

 **the tailor:** okay like he said a bunch of shit that im still pissy about but 

**the tailor:** he really looks up to you i think?? And hes an orphan right

 **the tailor:** im the last person who wants to bring these words into our conversation but you sort of are a fatherly figure to him?? And thank you for obv going hard but can you

 **the tailor:** idk tell him you dont hate him cause he looks downright miserable

 **the tailor:** brb he has something to tell me

 **shiro:** thank you for looking out for him.

 **shiro:** and for not taking this to the group chat.

__

 **the tailor:** KEITH IS GAY???

 **shiro:** god damn it.

 **she-hunk:** Ummmmmm are we allowed to know this?

 **Keith:** No, it’s alright, I asked him to break it to you.

 **Keith:** Admittedly, this wasn’t what I had in mind, but.

 **the tailor:** SHUT UP IM STILL IN SHCOK

 **she-hunk:** You okay there buddy?

 **the tailor:** today has been a ride man

 **the tailor:** i need a bath

 **the tailor:** why dont we have a bath keith

 **Keith:** Because we’re poor college students.

 **the tailor:** thats it

 **pidgeotto:** cool, i’m back, what did i miss.

 **pidgeotto:** oh.

 **Keith:** Yeah.

 **pidgeotto:** eh, kinda had it figured out.

 **she-hunk:** Yeah, i’ve know for a while.

 **pidgeotto:** wait, we were supposed to think you’re straight?

 **Keith:** Really?

 **she-hunk:** No dude we’re just fucking with you

 **she-hunk:** I mean, you were always a bit too nice to be straight but then again

 **she-hunk:** Gay guys can be fucking mean too

 **pidgeotto:** everyone can be mean, hunk.

 **she-hunk:** Yeah, that’s true too.

 **she-hunk:** Plus, shiro is super straight and he’s the nicest

 **shiro:** yes, about that.

 **the tailor:** WHAT

 **shiro:** hate to steal keith’s spotlight, but.

 **Keith:** Please take it away.

 **the tailor:** PLEASE SAY BI

 **shiro:** while we’re sharing, i’m bisexual.

 **the tailor:** THANK YOU GOD

 **Keith:** Don’t think it’s god you should be taking.

 **the tailor:** alright i know we just kissed and made up but if you want a religious debate im game

 **shiro:** boys, please.

 **pidgeotto:** fr lance get a grip.

 **pidgeotto:** and keith! congrats.

 **pidgeotto:** i’m glad you felt comfortable sharing this with us.

 **pidgeotto:** or, um, having lance do it, i guess?

 **she-hunk:** Yeah!!!

 **she-hunk:** Welcome to the kinsey 6 club!

 **the tailor:** nerd

 **she-hunk:** Oh excuse me didn’t want to interrupt you pissing yourself over shiro being on your part of the spectrum

 **the tailor:** touche

 **shiro:** i’m proud of you too, keith. 

**shiro:** owning who you are is only going to make you stronger.

 **the tailor:** shit shiro im going to cry 

**pidgeotto:** this chat is a mess.

 **pidgeotto:** i think i’ll go hack matt’s reddit account again.

 **shiro:** i feel like i should disapprove.

 **pidgeotto:** of matt being on reddit? you should, he keeps making up tifu stories for upvotes.

 **she-hunk:** Let her do it or she’ll fuck w you next

 **pidgeotto:** listen to the lady.

 

__

 

 **the tailor:** sooo

 **Keith:** What.

 **the tailor:** what! No need to get all defensive on me

 **Keith:** Are you messaging me from the bathroom?

 **the tailor:** maybe!

 **Keith:** Are you messaging me while you’re pooping?

 **the tailor:** this isn’t about me!!

 **the tailor:** was just going to ask, now we both now were dashing achillean young men

 **Keith:** Achillean?

 **the tailor:** lowkey glad thats the attributive you decided to get hung up on

 **the tailor:** but anyways!! We both like men

 **Keith:** Are you asking me out?

 **Keith:** While pooping?

 **Keith:** Also, I think it’s only an attributive if it gives the had noun a metaphorical meaning? Like, otherwise it’s just an adjective.

 **the tailor:** what even

 **the tailor:** do i look like a fucking english major to you what is this

 **the tailor:** and im not asking you out were roommates and im not a rookie!!

 **Keith:** ?

 **the tailor:** dating your roommate is, like, the standard recipe for disaster

 **the tailor:** dont shit where you eat and all that

 **Keith:** Why do we keep going back to defecation.

 **the tailor:** YOU keep going back to defecation !!

 **Keith:** Yeah, cause you’re full of shit.

 **the tailor:** not anymore ;D

 **Keith:** Jesus christ.

 **the tailor:** i just wanted to ask if u hooked up with anyone on campus

 **Keith:** ??

 **the tailor:** idk, trying to locate more men into men

 **the tailor:** also avoid your ex conquests because thatd be weird

 **Keith:** I am *not* giving you my love history.

 **the tailor:** aww “love history”

 **Keith:** It’s a figure of speech!!

 **the tailor:** sure it is lover boy :33

 **Keith:** And stop taking so long, I need to pee.

 **the tailor:** well hold it in !! cant rush mans duty

 **Keith:** How is that a man’s duty??

 **the tailor:** ITS A FIGURE OF SPEECH

 **Keith:** I WILL PEE ON YOUR PILLOWCASE.

 **the tailor:** kinky

 **the tailor:** ok youre not replying you better not be peeing on my pillow for real

__

 

 **the tailor:** mmm shiro was late for class today

 **the tailor:** super tousled super out of breath

 **the tailor:** looked a lil sleep deprived eye emoji

 **Keith:** So?

 **the tailor:** idk its just,,,,weird

 **the tailor:** very unprofessional if you catch my drift

 **Keith:** You literally wore your cat slippers to class!

 **the tailor:** okay a those are LIONS and secondly so what?? Im a student what kind of a professional reputation am i trying to uphold here

 **pidgeotto:** irrationally bothered by your lack of enumeration continuity.

 **the tailor:** ;*

 **she-hunk:** Okay, first of all, those are cats

 **Keith:** THANK YOU.

 **she-hunk:** And b, allura was also super late

 **pidgeotto:** UGHHHHHHHHHH.

 **she-hunk:** She kept her sunglasses on the whole time!

 **the tailor:** OOOH I SEE WHATS GOING ON

 **Keith:** What, adults in our lives are human? Yes, shocking, thanks Lance.

 **she-hunk:** I think it’s heavily implied that they fucked

 **the tailor:** yup

 **pidgeotto:** i mean, shiro did never come home last night.

 **the tailor:** OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

 **she-hunk:** I can’t believe our parents are actually seeing each other

 **pidgeotto:** they’re dating now? maybe it was just casual sex.

 **the tailor:** alriiiight pidge

 **she-hunk:** I call flower girl on the wedding

 **the tailor:** youd make a beautiful flower girl

 **she-hunk:** I know right

 **Keith:** Okay, does anyone else feel like we’re being creepy?

 **the tailor:** ugggggggGGHhh

 **Keith:** I mean, they’re real people? They’re allowed privacy.

 **the tailor:** why is he this way

 **pidgeotto:** shhh, lance, i think i can hear keith’s daddy issues talking.

 **Keith:** Oh fuck off!

 **she-hunk:** Hey don’t tell her to fuck off

 **Keith:** Right, sorry.

 **she-hunk:** Good boy

 **the tailor:** um

 **pidgeotto:** i’m going to die, i just choked on water, bye.

__

 **★★space princess★★** shiroooo

 **shiro:** if you got arrested again i’m leaving you there.

 **★★space princess★★** um first of all TAKEN IN

 **★★space princess★★** secondly lol sure you are

 **★★space princess★★** third of SHIROOO

 **shiro:** sweetie.

 **★★space princess★★** uwu

 **shiro:** no.

 **★★space princess★★** my students think we’re fucking again :(

 **shiro:** they do, don’t they?

 **★★space princess★★** :(((( they think im kinky

 **shiro:** you are kinky.

 **★★space princess★★** UM EXCUSE YOu

 **shiro:** just speaking like a man who has seen your internet history multiple times.

 **★★space princess★★** leave me alone i don’t need this kind of negative energy in my life ??

 **★★space princess★★** they can all tell im hungover and they think i had irresponsible drunk sex with my TA :(

 **shiro:** want me to tell them we’re actually late because you started a barfight ten miles away from home and i had to come get you from the county jail?

 **★★space princess★★** i feel like im being scolded why do i feel like im being scolded are you being fatherly with me ??

 **★★space princess★★** are you SURE this is where you want this conversation to go?

 **shiro:** your bluffs don’t scare me, fara.

 **★★space princess★★** oh bring it ON shirogane

 **shiro:** *rolls up sleeves*

 **★★space princess★★** *winks suggestively*

 **shiro:** *whispers* if you ever call me daddy i’m walking out.

 **★★space princess★★** just like my actual father!

 **shiro:** um? did he?

 **★★space princess★★** no he just died

 **shiro:** oh.

 **★★space princess★★** but he did walk out on mum first.

 **shiro:** you need to sleep.

 **★★space princess★★** i need to sleep

 **shiro:** need a break? I can cover for you.

 **★★space princess★★** aww daddy!!

 **shiro:** nevermind.

__

**hey, matt, quick question.**

_Why, hello to you too, sister!!! I’ve missed you as well and the university life is treating me nicely._

**yeah, okay, anyways.**

**are shiro and allura dating?**

_Whos asking_

_**i am??** _

_**come on i have a bet to win.** _

__mmmmmmmm I think I’ll snitch_ _

__**well i think ill tell dad who stole all of his condoms back in your sophomore year!** _ _

___You cant prove squat shit_ _ _

__**i can prove you and shiro filled them with water and threw them at pedestrians.** _ _

___I am jealous of all the single children out there_ _ _

__**well you are a child and you are single.** _ _

___Ha ha how funny_ _ _

__**matt, come on!!** _ _

___Ask him if yourself if you’re so curious you vulture!_ _ _

___Not here to discuss his private life with my gremlin sister and her immature buddies_ _ _

_____ _

__**mattlete:** So are you and allura dating or  
___ _

__**the tailor:** so whens operation shunk starting_ _

__**Keith:** Operation what?_ _

__**pidgeotto:** ooh, shunk sounds way better than what i’ve been calling it._ _

__**Keith:** What are the two of you on about?_ _

__**the tailor:** what have u been calling it?_ _

__**pidgeotto:** get hunk laid?_ _

__**Keith:** What’s shunk???_ _

__**pidgeotto:** i’ll tell you when i’m older._ _

__**Keith:** Pidge!_ _

__**she-hunk:** PIDGE_ _

__**pidgeotto:** brb dinner._ _

__**she-hunk:** LIAR_ _

__**Keith:** Is shunk short for she-hunk?_ _

__**she-hunk:** Yes that’s exactly what it is we’re going with that!!!! Lance ill murder u_ _

__**the tailor:** ily_ _

__**she-hunk:** I will make you dead!!!_ _

__**shiro:** why did i ever think this chat would be a good idea?_ _

__**the tailor:** oh fuck wrong chat_ _

__**she-hunk:** Was Keith being here not a giveaway??_ _

__**the tailor:** I DIDNT THINK ABOUT IT_ _

__**the tailor:** also digging the radio silence from pidges end_ _

__**shiro:** i can hear her laughing from her room._ _

_____ _

__**shiro:** (screenshot)_ _

__**shiro:** do you see what i have to deal with._ _

__**★★space princess★★** oh my god is this about shay???_ _

__**shiro:** ??_ _

__**★★space princess★★** shay as in the girl that hunk has been walking around the campus with for weeks?_ _

__**★★space princess★★** boy your boys sure are dense._ _

__**★★space princess★★** kudos to hunk for keeping it under the covers, this will be hilarious once they find out._ _

__**shiro:** shay is...hunk’s girlfriend?_ _

__**shiro:** no, nevermind, i don’t need to know this, i don’t want to know this._ _

__**★★space princess★★** i think so?? They’re very cute they kiss each others cheeks and hold hands._ _

__**shiro:** okay, that’s cute._ _

__**shiro:** good for hunk._ _

__**★★space princess★★** can’t believe they had a chance to go with shank and didn’t._ _

__**shiro:** jesus christ i hate you._ _

__**shiro:** now i want to tell them that but i can’t tell them that because i am ?? a grown man._ _

__**★★space princess★★** lmao tell pidge_ _

__**★★space princess★★** shell cover for u_ _

_____ _

__**shiro:** can you keep a secret._ _

__**pidgeotto:** i can but i might not want to._ _

__**shiro:** consider: i went to middle school with matt._ _

__**pidgeotto:** you know my price._ _

_____ _

__**pidgeotto:** shank._ _

__**she-hunk:** Would you stop??????????_ _

__**the tailor:** FUCK THATS BRILLIANT_ _

__**Keith:** I’m still lost._ _

__**pidgeotto:** also did you know my brother tried to shave his pubes when he was 14 and gave himself razor burn? _ _

__**she-hunk:** No but i’ll believe it_ _

__**the tailor:** UM why do you know that??_ _

__**Keith:** Yes._ _

__**the tailor:** why do YOU know that?_ _

__**Keith:** I was at Shiro’s when it happened._ _

__**the tailor:** it happened at shiros???_ _

__**the tailor:** okay whats your backstory bc this is too much_ _

__**pidgeotto:** i can’t believe i come here with prime blackmail material and you’re all over keith, again._ _

__**the tailor:** phrasing???_ _

__**pidgeotto:** fully intentional._ _

__**Keith:** I knew him in high school? That’s it._ _

__**the tailor:** yeah we all did?? We went to the same high school he was an old football star_ _

__**the tailor:** but you were like super close were you_ _

__**the tailor:** like a thing or ??_ _

__**Keith:** No???? He’s six years older._ _

__**the tailor:** so?_ _

__**Keith:** I was underage?_ _

__**the tailor:** that the only reason?_ _

__**Keith:** That and the fact that I didn’t know he’s bi until three days ago._ _

__**shiro:** really?_ _

__**Keith:** FUCK._ _

__**the tailor:** hahah welcome to ‘we admitted we have hots for shiro to his face’ hell_ _

__**shiro:** you weren’t exactly subtle, lance. _ _

__**the tailor:** FUCK_ _

__**shiro:** i was convinced in keith’s heterosexuality, though._ _

__**the tailor:** would u have been dtf otherwise?_ _

__**shiro:** no??? he was underage._ _

__**she-hunk:** Wouldn’t have stopped most men js_ _

__**shiro:** well._ _

______ _

__**shiro:** (screenshot) help??_ _

__**★★space princess★★** okay add me to that chat_ _

_____ _

__**shiro:** added **★★space princess★★**_ _

__**★★space princess★★** HUNK DID SOMEONE DO YOU WRONG I WILL BRING MY FULL LEGAL WRATH ON THEM_ _

__**★★space princess★★** im british and loaded i can call for death penalty_ _

__**the lance:** holy shit professor fara???_ _

__**★★space princess★★** language, lance._ _

__**she-hunk:** Hello, prof.fara!_ _

__**she-hunk:** I mean gross men are a constant but nothing ever happened dw_ _

__**★★space princess★★** THANK GOD  <3_ _

__**★★space princess★★** anyone else?_ _

__**Keith:** Guy across the room from us threatened lance with physical violence and called him slurs._ _

__**Keith:** I forgot his name but he sits in the far back in astrophys and wears polos._ _

__**★★space princess★★** oooh ill give him xtra hw_ _

__**★★space princess★★** (keep it hush hush im not supposed to do this)_ _

__**pidgeotto:** yeah no shit allura._ _

__**shiro:** pidge!_ _

__**pidgeotto:** what, she’s not my professor._ _

__**★★space princess★★** yet!_ _

__**pidgeotto:** lmao whatever im going straight to nasa._ _

__**shiro:** and how are you going to do that?_ _

__**pidgeotto:** are you saying i can’t?_ _

__**shiro:** that was not a personal challenge._ _

__**shiro:** pidge??_ _

__**shiro:** ohh no i can hear angry typing this isn’t good._ _

__**★★space princess★★** lmao rip_ _

__**★★space princess★★** okay fuck im supposed to be professional here oops_ _

__**the tailor:** language, professor._ _

__**★★space princess★★** dont u have homework to do?_ _

__**the tailor:** nah_ _

__**Keith:** You do._ _

__**the tailor:** Fuck off keith!!_ _

__**★★space princess★★** well this was cute but i have to go now SHRIO REMOVE ME FROMT HIS CHAT_ _

__**★★space princess★★** word of advice turn ur phones off when drinking_ _

__**she-hunk:** Adsdhgfj_ _

__**the tailor:** prof fara ur my favourite_ _

__**★★space princess★★** thank you!! Hunk is mine  <3_ _

__**she-hunk:** Aw!! You’re my favourite teacher too miss_ _

__**★★space princess★★** say hi to shay ;D_ _

__**she-hunk:** Am i allowed to change my mind_ _

__**shiro** removed **★★space princess★★** from this chat_ _

_____ _

__

__**★★space princess★★** if i pretend yesterday didnt happen will they go w it_ _

__**shiro:** do you want the truth or?_ _

__**★★space princess★★** bluuuuuh_ _

__**shiro:** warn me when you’ve been drinking the next time_ _

__**★★space princess★★** how about we just go,,,not sober until proven otherwise_ _

__**shiro:** how about you get a grip._ _

__**★★space princess★★** :(_ _

_____ _

__

__**the tailor:** okay hunk the jig is up _ _

__**the tailor:** saw you kissing the girl whats up with that_ _

__**she-hunk:** Idk she was cute so i asked if i can and she said yes_ _

__**pidgeotto:** wait, what??_ _

__**the tailor:** but ?? how_ _

__**the tailor:** Sometimes, when two girls really like each other_ _

__**pidgeotto:** !! are you and shay a thing?_ _

__**she-hunk:** I don’t know we’re taking it slow_ _

__**the tailor:** ??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!_ _

__**the tailor:** SINCE WHEN_ _

__**she-hunk:** it’s been going on for about two weeks now_ _

__**the tailor:** ??????_ _

__**pidgeotto:** nice!_ _

__**Keith:** Yeah, she’s great._ _

__**she-hunk:** You know her?_ _

__**Keith:** We work in the same supermarket._ _

__**she-hunk:** Oh, sweet!_ _

__

__**she-hunk:** She mentioned a grumpy colleague but I never connected the dots._ _

__**Keith:** I can’t even argue with that description._ _

__**Keith:** She mentioned a cute girlfriend, I should’ve connected the dots._ _

__**she-hunk:** Oh, shoosh!_ _

__**the tailor:** ALRITE HOLD THE FUCK UP_ _

__**the tailor:** why is everyone so chil???_ _

__**Keith:** Should we not be?_ _

__**the tailor:** IDK MAYBE ?_ _

__**she-hunk:** Lance, calm the fuck down._ _

_____ _

__**pidgeotto:** **[kill me](https://66.media.tumblr.com/2f6f3584abe6de7821a7e71da17737aa/tumblr_ocsyev3GBA1vd9hvxo3_500.png)**_ _

__**the tailor:** um what the fuck_ _

__**pidgeotto:** i c a n’t breath e_ _

__**she-hunk:** Pidge, sweetie, when was the last time you slept?_ _

__**pidgeotto:** not your sweetie._ _

__**the tailor:** sweatie_ _

__**pidgeotto:** oowoo_ _

__**she-hunk:** Shiro?_ _

__**shiro:** on it._ _

__**pidgeotto:** TRY AGAIN PUNK IVE LOCKED MY DOORS._ _

__**pidgeotto:** holy shit he’s picking my lock._ _

__**the tailor:** ?? okay teach me how to do that_ _

__**she-hunk:** No?? No don’t teach him how to do that_ _

__**she-hunk:** What do you even need that sort of a skill for?? were not recreating that breaking and entering sketch!!_ _

__**the tailor:** boo buzzkill_ _

__**pidgeotto:** i do not approve of the lack of support going on here!!_ _

__**she-hunk:** Meh you’ll be fine._ _

__**the tailor:** ok pidges drama aside KEITH_ _

__**pidgeotto:** typical._ _

__**she-hunk:** Snappy, even in the face of danger._ _

__**pidgeotto:** hurry up with the story, shiro is threatening me with warm milk._ _

__**she-hunk:** ??_ _

__**pidgeotto:** not even sure if he wants me to drink it or if we just unlocked an ancient torture method._ _

__**the tailor:** KEITH IS SINGING DAMNED FOR ALL TIME_ _

__**the tailor:** in the shower_ _

__**the tailor:** ok like humming so i wasnt sure at first but this is definitely damned for all time_ _

__**pidgeotto:** ya boy likes musicals._ _

__**she-hunk:** Pidge, go to bed._ _

__**she-hunk:** ALSO YOOOO_ _

__**the tailor:** MY BOY LIKES MUSICALS_ _

__**shiro:** your boy?_ _

__**the tailor:** shut up shiro youre like 50_ _

__**shiro:** this chat makes me feel like i am._ _

__**she-hunk:** We finally have a judas im in tears_ _

__**shiro:** okay, do i need to ask?_ _

__**the tailor:** RIGHT so hunk has the smoothest deepest singing voice_ _

__**she-hunk:** *Fixes collar, smug*_ _

__**pidgeotto:** and lance sounds like a dying bird._ _

__**the tailor:** ok RUDE but true_ _

__**the tailor:** and you know how in every version of jesus christ superstar annas has a really high voice and caiaphas is like deep af_ _

__**she-hunk:** We take caiaphas and annas duets SERIOUSLY, man._ _

__**the tailor:** and pidge has been refusing to sing back up vocals OR judas for years_ _

__**pidgeotto:** and will continue to do so, thank you._ _

__**the tailor:** ummm no one needs you any more keith is GOOD_ _

__**shiro:** this...is not the answer i was expecting._ _

__**shiro:** but i like it, i’m fine with this._ _

__**she-hunk:** Thanks, dad!_ _

__**shiro:** not you too._ _

__**pidgeotto:** is he really good?_ _

__**the tailor:** surprisingly good !_ _

__**shiro:** he did play judas in his high school production._ _

__**the tailor:** UM WHAT_ _

__**the tailor:** WE WENT TO THE SAME HIGH SCHOOL HE DIDNT_ _

__**shiro:** before he transferred, his freshman year._ _

__**shiro:** talking him into doing drama was a hassle, glad he seems to have enjoyed it._ _

__**she-hunk:** Holy shit?_ _

__**pidgeotto:** didn’t lance audition for judas once?_ _

__**the tailor:** no no nope_ _

__**she-hunk:** Yeah lol he didn’t get it._ _

__**the tailor:** noPE didn’t happen_ _

__**the tailor:** subject change shiro do u have it on tape?_ _

__**shiro:** not if keith asks._ _

__**she-hunk:** OOOh_ _

__**the tailor:** please shiro please ill do anything_ _

__**shiro:** anything?_ _

__**pidgeotto:** um_ _

__**the tailor:** ANYTHING_ _

__**shiro:** finish your project. _ _

__**she-hunk:** Daaaaaamn he got you there_ _

__**she-hunk:** Alright he’s not replying is he actually doing it_ _

__**she-hunk:** This is a team project lance come talk to your team_ _

__**the tailor:** Right!! We should make a group chat_ _

__**pidgeotto:** hahahha shiro is hitting his head against the wall again._ _

__

_____ _

__**★★space princess★★** just little being the last person off campus things: having to pretend you do not recognize the two technically-adults going at each other like horny teenagers_ _

__**shiro:** shit, sorry._ _

__**★★space princess★★** ????_ _

__**shiro:** or not sorry?_ _

__**★★space princess★★** were you making out w someone on the campus???_ _

__**shiro:** i thought i was in here for juicy gossip not interrogation, what is this?_ _

__**★★space princess★★** takashi shirogane !!_ _

__**shiro:** was ?? that a mom voice, allura?_ _

__**★★space princess★★** IM A VODKA AUNT AT BEST SHTU THE FUCK UP who did u kiss_ _

__**shiro:** can’t both shut up and tell you._ _

__**★★space princess★★** wait matts in town isnt he_ _

__**shiro:** did you catch your students making out again?_ _

__**★★space princess★★** :-)_ _

__**shiro:** goodbye._ _

_____ _

__**she-hunk:** Allura is ranting on her blog again_ _

__**pidge:** about catching students mid-make out? Yeah, hahah, i saw._ _

__**pidge:** i saw the incident happen too._ _

__**pidge:** speaking of, hey keith._ _

__**Keith:** Hey?_ _

__**pidge:** the jig is up._ _

__**Keith:** Damn it._ _

__**she-hunk:** Woah slow down what?_ _

__**Keith:** Why were you even on the campus??_ _

__**pidgotto:** matt was dropping by to visit so i caught a ride._ _

__**pidgeotto:** and you, red handed._ _

__**pidgeotto:** :)_ _

__**she-hunk:** Keith is the student from the post?? _ _

__**she-hunk:** Dude you got vagued by allura congrats_ _

__**Keith:** You are so weird._ _

__**she-hunk:** I’m also noticing lance is suspiciously quiet…_ _

__**pidgeotto:** yup._ _

__**she-hunk:** YUP_ _

__**Keith:** Bye._ _

__**the tailor:** PIDGE DUDE YOUR BROTHER KISSED SHIRO I JUST SAW THEM THEY ??_ _

__**the tailor:** wait hold up fucking_ _

__**the tailor:** keith, you had ONE job!_ _

__**Keith:** Not my fault you couldn’t wait until we were inside!_ _

__**the tailor:** asddsf well not my fault you_ _

__**Keith:** Yeah?_ _

__**the tailor:** it’s your fault thats what!!_ _

__**pidgeotto:** my brother did WHAT_ _

__**pidgeotto:** shiro??_ _

__**shiro:** :)_ _

__**she-hunk:** Freaky, i think this is the first time i saw shiro use an emoji_ _

__**pidgeotto:** that’s cause it’s not shiro, MATT YOU ASSHOLE._ _

__**shiro:** :)))_ _

__**she-hunk:** asfdygf_ _

__**pidgeotto:** if you two get married will shiro really be my dad?_ _

__**shiro:** :///_ _

__**she-hunk:** Hi, matt!_ _

__**shiro:** Hi hunk!!!!!!!_ _

__**the tailor:** GOOD JOB MAN_ _

__**shiro:** RIGHT BACK AT YOU_ _

__**shiro:** Also dont feel bad about being caught shiro accidentally confessed to allura_ _

__**shiro:** did not!_ _

__**shiro:** Uh did too_ _

__**pidgeotto:** this is giving me a headache._ _

__**shiro:** Omg look my sister types like you this is so cute_ _

__**shiro:** Do you see him as a fatherly figure??_ _

__**shiro:** leave my phone alone, matt._ _

__**she-hunk:** I am in tears_ _

__**pidgeotto:** brb screenshoting this for allura._ _

__**shiro:** Ill tell mum who let rover fall out of the window!!_ _

__**pidgeotto:** that is a SORE SPOT you asshole!_ _

__**shiro:** Does mom know u swear?_ _

__**pidgeotto:** does mom know you two are dating?_ _

__**shiro:** we’re not dating._ _

__**shiro:** Were not!!!_ _

__**Keith:** Awkward._ _

__**shiro:** oH YOU SHUT UP_ _

__**Keith:** :)_ _

__**the tailor:** look at my boy, using emojis!! _ _

__**Keith:** Your boy?_ _

__**shiro:** Omg shiro has an army of gay children_ _

__**pidgeotto:** you are gay children._ _

__**the tailor:** hey matt daddy kink only a joke or_ _

__**shiro:** Idk i can try it out?_ _

__**shiro:** no._ _

__**she-hunk:** Please stop im crying shay is worried_ _

__**shiro:** Oh who is shay?_ _

__**shiro:** her girlfriend._ _

__**shiro:** OH NICE_ _

__**she-hunk:** Aren’t the two of you in the same room? Like, on the same phone?_ _

__**shiro:** Nah hes using the library computer and i stole his phone while he wasnt looking_ _

__**pidgeotto:** ingenous._ _

__**pidgeotto:** shiro, i can’t believe you’re not-dating my brother!_ _

__**shiro:** sorry?_ _

__**Keith:** Drag him._ _

__**shiro:** Damn ur gay children are turning on you_ _

__**shiro:** Daddy?_ _

__**shiro:** no. _ _

__**the tailor:** okay yuck_ _

__**shiro:** i’m sorry pidge i don’t think i can live with your family anymore._ _

__**shiro:** Afbewhb im sorry i wont do it again_ _

__**shiro:** too late, already swore off sex forever._ _

__**pidgeotto:** i hope aliens kidnap you both._ _

_____ _

__**★★space princess★★** DADDY_ _

__**shiro:** Yes princess? ;)_ _

__**shiro:** that’s matt, please ignore him._ _

__**★★space princess★★** ;*_ _

__**shiro:** B* ;D_ _

__**shiro:** why do i try._ _

_____ _

__**hey keith** _ _

___Lance?_ _ _

__**are we dating?** _ _

___We are literally in the same bed, couldn’t you have, I don’t know, asked me with words?_ _ _

__**written words are words too** _ _

___I hate you._ _ _

__**so thats a yes or** _ _

_____ _

__**Keith:** Hey, lance and I are dating._ _

__**pidgeotto:** duh_ _

__**the tailor:** <3_ _

__**she-hunk:** Lance got his love life under control before me gross_ _

__**she-hunk:** Jk i’m happy for you guys  <3_ _

__**shiro:** congratulations, now go do your project._ _

__**Keith:** Go do Pidge’s brother_ _

___**shiro** left this chat._ _ _

__**the tailor:** HAHHA KEITH I LOVE YOU_ _

__**Keith:** Really?_ _

__**the tailor:** oh wow quick subject change about that project_ _

__**pidgeotto:** you’re terrible role models._ _

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! come say hi on tumblr @the-onion-slut


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